


When You Were Human

by HisAngelThursday



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (formerly), Angel Castiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Human Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, a truckload of fluff, as usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 22:49:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9406322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HisAngelThursday/pseuds/HisAngelThursday
Summary: “I really wanted you, when you were human.”  Dean says this with a dull cough, as though trying to pass the statement off as casual.  “Just thought you should know that, is all.”Cas looks up from the book he’s currently reading, brow furrowed.  He appreciates the sentiment (even if he doesn’t entirely believe it), but this is coming out of nowhere:  it’s been years since he was human, and it’s a period of his existence that he’s very much content to put out of his mind.“Thank you, Dean,” is all he says, however, deciding it’s best to let the unpleasant subject drop.





	

“I really wanted you, when you were human.” Dean says this with a dull cough, as though trying to pass the statement off as casual. “Just thought you should know that, is all.”

Cas looks up from the book he’s currently reading, brow furrowed. He appreciates the sentiment (even if he doesn’t entirely believe it), but this is coming out of nowhere: it’s been years since he was human, and it’s a period of his existence that he’s very much content to put out of his mind.

“Thank you, Dean,” is all he says, however, deciding it’s best to let the unpleasant subject drop.

He goes back to his book, but Dean lingers, hand rubbing uncomfortably over the back of his neck. “I wouldn’t of mentioned it,” he continues. “I know it’s, uh…probably not something you wanna think too much about…”

And you are very much correct, Cas thinks.

“…And I really didn’t wanna remind you what a dick I was to you back then, but, well. Sammy’s been talkin’ to me lately, and, uh…he said some chick flick crap about being more ‘considerate with people’s feelings’ and all…”

“You love chick flicks, Dean,” Cas points out, not looking up as he recalls their Sex in the City marathon the night before.

Dean glowers at him – or tries to, anyway. He can never muster any venom anymore, when it comes to Cas. 

“Look, what I’m just tryin’ to say is…” He takes a deep, steadying breath through his nose. “I know it must of hurt, y’know? And I know you must of assumed it was because you weren’t ‘useful’ or whatever, and that I just didn’t need you anymore. I know a little something about people walkin’ away from me, and I know a little something about assumin’ the worst about it.”

Dean has his attention now, because yes, that was, in fact, exactly what Cas had believed. On some level, he still does, though he’d never admit to it.

“But the truth is…” Dean closes his eyes, and recites a sloppy rendition of the same speech he’d heard in the bathroom just minutes prior. “…When I found out you were human, Cas, I was worried. God knows I was. But…part of me was also kinda happy about it. ‘Cause even if I didn’t admit it to myself way back when, some part of me was already thinkin’ what kind of a life we could have together: I thought about takin’ you to beaches, laughing in the water and kissing in the sand, about keeping you warm on snowy days and kissing your cold nose. I thought about watching you go to sleep at night, just like your creepy ass used to do to me, and making you breakfast before you woke up.”

“’Chick flick crap,’ then?” Cas offers, recalling Dean’s earlier, colorful terminology. 

Dean huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, you got me there, angel. Point is, I know I wound up being a dick to you, Cas. I know I turned you away when you needed me most, and I don’t think I ever apologized for that. Not enough, anyway.”

“Dean,” Cas sighs, setting his book aside. “We’ve been over this: you did what you thought you had to. You thought Sam was-” 

“I know. And I know I did what I needed to, but – I coulda done it better, Cas. I could of put you up with Garth or Jody – God knows they’d love to have you – but I was too busy thinking about how hard it was for me to worry how hard it was for you. So I just cast you out, like…like a dirty sock, or somethin’.”

It’s a stupid idiom, but Dean knows it hits it mark. Cas lowers his gaze and makes no reply, adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. 

“And when I met up with you again, I wasn’t much better,” Dean goes on. It’s not as hard as he thought it was going to be, now that he’s finally saying it – he thought making amends for his treatment of Cas would make him feel like more of an asshole, but if anything, it feels as though a weight is being lifted off his shoulders. “I made fun of you for your job, what you were doin’ to get by. And I was dumb enough to let you go out with that Dora chick even though I was already head over heels for you.” 

“It’s Nora, Dean,” Cas corrects him, though a smile tugs at his lips now. A faint, Cas-like smile, but a smile nonetheless. 

He enjoys the slight jealousy that twinges Dean’s words, and never let it slip to Dean that all he had done with Nora was babysit (occassionally, he still does – Nora was a nice lady and a good friend, and her child is becoming a wonderful conversationalist. He decides not to tell Dean that, either.) 

“Whatever,” Dean huffs, eyes rolling theatrically. “Point is, Cas, I was a dick, and I didn’t deserve you. But I loved you. I loved you then, and I love you now. And I really wanted you, when you were human,” Dean pauses, swallowing wetly. “Just like I really, really want you now.”

Cas only nods, unable to convey how much Dean’s words mean to him. He’s become more secure in Dean’s love for him as their relationship evolved, but in his dark hours, he’d be lying if he were to say a little voice – a voice that sounded suspiciously like Lucifer – didn’t nag at his mind, telling him he was only ever a tool to Dean, and his rejection of him as a human had proved that. 

“Thank you, Dean,” is all he says. Still, the sincerity of his tone conveys more than words could say.

There’s a comfortable silence as the two just stare at each other – those minute long staring contests, that never cease to make Sam so very uncomfortable (unbeknownst to Sam, they sometimes do it just to get on his nerves, to see how long they can stare longingly into each other’s eyes before he passively-aggressively clears his throat or throws a bitchface and leaves. Everyone considers it great fun – everyone except Sam.)

“You know,” says Cas, finally. “We can still do the things you mentioned. Most of them, anyway.” 

As an angel, Cas can’t sleep unless his energy is seriously depleted, but he’s sure he could fake it fairly convincingly if that’s what Dean wishes. He can vouch for the fact that watching loved one’s sleep is a wonderfully fascinating experience. 

Dean, however, seems to have something else in mind. 

“Oh yeah?” he smirks. “In that case, whaddya say, angel? You up for a quick romp on the beach?”

Cas stares at him blankly. “It’s one AM, Dean. In the middle of Kansas.” 

“So? You’re wings are feelin’ better, right? We could be in Miami before you could say Bugs Bunny!”

Cas opens his mouth, then closes it again. It’s true, of course, though he’s been without the use of his wings for so long he sometimes finds himself forgetting he can fly again. 

Wearily, he gets to his feet, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist as he grins that stupid smirk of his, spreading his arms like Rose from Titanic.

Doesn’t like chick flicks, his ass.

Dean grins at him over his shoulder. “Take us away, huggy bear.” 

Castiel rolls his eyes at his hunter’s goofiness, yet he finds himself smiling, saying a silent prayer of thanks to his unseen father.

It’s true, of course: things would be easier if Cas was human, even if it was never meant to be. And yet, Cas can’t imagine life much better than it is right now. 

Closing his eyes in contentment, Dean in his arms, Castiel spreads his wings.


End file.
